A Child's Christmas With MST3000

Every year the folks at the MST3000 website send out Tom Servo's rendition of a Child's Christmas In Space. Here it is:




With the holidays upon us, it's time once again for our annual holiday
tradition, "A Child's Christmas in Space" by Tom Servo.
-----
Tom: It's quiet in the cold of our own little orbit, starless and bible
black. And as I look down on the big blue bean we would call home I
think it so
near, yet... oh, I wish on that star and I hope that in a little
snow-covered
house with a warm hearth and a loving family, maybe some kid is looking
up
tonight and wishing upon us. Oh, and how I hope sweet Santa will fly by
tonight,
because if he does I'm gonna reach right out and hug that big guy. Oh,
for the
sound of hooves against the steel hull of the ship. Oh, to see the rosy
face of
Santa in the porthole, offering me a Coke and a smile... (gradually
becoming
upset) ...of course, his cheeks WOULD be rosy because it's a VACUUM out
there!
I mean, Santa's HEART would explode! (becoming hysterical) But HE
wouldn't
feel it because the capillaries in his brain would pop like little
firecrackers
(Joel tries to calm him down) due to the blood boiling away in his face
like
pudding in a copper...OH THE HUMANITY!! (Now both Joel and Crow are
trying to
calm him down.) And his jolly old belly would start bubbling like a
roasted
marshmallow, eyes bulging and popping out... AND THE REINDEER--OH THE
REINDEER!!!--keep floating like holiday floats and in turn exploding in
a hail of blood
and entrails! Prancer--BOOM! Dancer--BOOM!
Joel: HEY!
Crow: Tom!
Joel: Tom, take it easy! Santa's gonna be okay, buddy.
Tom: You sure?
Joel: Yeah, give him a little credit, okay
Tom: Phew, what a relief!
-----
And it is with that sense of relief that we want to offer you our best
wishes
for the Swayziest holiday season ever, if that's okay, and hopes for an
amazing colossal new year.

--The Maintainers of Satellite News