The Weather in D.C.

I have just heard that there is the possibility of some snowfall in the D.C. area this Saturday. We, the citizens, will face it as we always do, and face it with grace and maturity. The following shall occur:

1. The grocery stores have already been ransacked. You won't be able to find so much as a chickpea within fifty miles of the Capitol. P.G. County will resort to cannibalism by Friday afternoon.

2. As of now, ALL local schools are closed and classes cancelled until April.

3. By tonight, our TV weather men will be pounding down a harrowing concoction of crack cocaine and crystal meth, allowing them to scream for 72 straight hours about the coming apocalypse, the utter hopelessness of our situation, and how we must return to the ways of the "Old Ones", as our modern religions have failed us. Saturday morning will see a huge wicker man constructed on the Mall, filled with criminals, heretics and other undesirables, and then lit on fire.

4. Rush Hour tonight will make Dante's Inferno look like a pony ride at a 2nd grader's birthday party. It will last for at least one full week. Millions will die. Interstate 66 will become the longest graveyard on earth. "Nutley Street" will be a term used to frighten children into obedience for generations to come.

5. Little or no snow will fall...