Ha!

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/63894

This reminds me of infamous real experiments carried on by Professor Harlow* up at the Madison campus of the University of Wisconsin in the 60's. As it originates from Madison itself, I'm sure where the Onion staff got their inspiration...

(*Harlow's films of his experiments were pretty disturbing and perhpas say more about him than the tests themselves...).