Film Wars!!!

My friend Vanessa just wrote me the following: "There's a new movie coming out in Russia called Mongol. Part of the promotional campaign is a contest to "win a DNA test to see if you are a descendant of Chingiz Khan." Supposedly 1 out of 200 people is a descendant. Where else could you win a medical procedure by seeing a movie?"

I love William Castle-style film promotions! And I can't believe we'd sit back and let the Russkies win this "Promotions War". I suggest we immediately up the ante by offering:
1. Free VD shots for anyone viweing the Happy Hooker, etc.
2. Glow-in-the-dark crucifixes for attendees of vampire flicks. Roast garlic could be served on the popcorn.
3. Cans of pea soup for Exorcist fans.
4. Outdoor thermometers to be handed out at all showings of An Inconvenient Truth.
5. Free flea collars for all patrons of werewolf movies.
6. Coupons for Fava Beans at showings of Silence of the Lambs.
7. Pet chameleons handed out during Godzilla movies.
8. Free gerbils for anyone attending a Richard Gere film.

I tell you, we must win this race, and we will!!!