No Snow....
The “Snow” Crisis of D.C. Continues...
As I write this, the D.C. Snow Panic continues. It is almost useless to point out that, despite our weathermen’s predictions, not a single flake has fallen so far. It just doesn’t matter. The apoplectic scream fest continues. I can’t bear to watch TV, but my email box gets dire weather warnings from all news teams at the same rate as I get penis enlargement ads. Both have about the same aura of truth about them. For meteorology in D.C. is neither art, nor science. It is pure bunkum, populated by people with pretty faces and snake oil hearts, capable of getting in front of a TV camera and spewing out utter balderdash, all under a thin veneer of pseudo-science, with their Doppler radar and satellite photos. There’s no doubt in my mind that once the cameras are turned off, these coked out ninnies do little more than laugh giddily at the cloud photos on their monitors while trying to pick out which one looks like a cow or a horsey. Like the Great Oz, they hide their own flaccid uselessness behind machines, smoke and mirrors. And no one around here will look behind the green curtain and call them on it.
Yesterday, the emails predictably got more and more dire, from watches to warnings to alarms to “we’re not kidding, Jack!” Yet as I gaze out on the grounds of Blau Manor, I still see nothing more threatening than some light moisture on the lawn. Of course, the crack heads at the various EyeWitless news teams are all trying to cover their worthless asses. Each hour that passes, they’ve managed to move back the end of life by another hour. Their prophesies of the End Times constantly pushed into a receding future. These guys shouldn’t be in meteorology, they should be in the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
I suspect a partial source of all the lies is a simple competitiveness within the news industry:
“Sir, Channel 4 has just announced 3 feet of snow starting at 6:00AM”!
“Oh Yea? Well, TWO can play at that game, immediately send out a report that we’re predicting SIX feet of snow, starting at 5:00AM – PRONTO!”
“Right Chief!”
One can imagine where this type of thing leads after a day or two…
“Chief! Channel 7 just retaliated to our last broadcast of thirty feet of snow by reporting that the snow will wipe out ALL LIFE ON EARTH!”
“RIGHT! Well fuck that and fuck them. Listen kid, get out there and report that this storm will wipe out the very Sun, leaving nothing but a Black Hole of Chaos – Got That?”
“Yes, Sir, Chief!”
And there’s still not a speck of snow out my window….
As I write this, the D.C. Snow Panic continues. It is almost useless to point out that, despite our weathermen’s predictions, not a single flake has fallen so far. It just doesn’t matter. The apoplectic scream fest continues. I can’t bear to watch TV, but my email box gets dire weather warnings from all news teams at the same rate as I get penis enlargement ads. Both have about the same aura of truth about them. For meteorology in D.C. is neither art, nor science. It is pure bunkum, populated by people with pretty faces and snake oil hearts, capable of getting in front of a TV camera and spewing out utter balderdash, all under a thin veneer of pseudo-science, with their Doppler radar and satellite photos. There’s no doubt in my mind that once the cameras are turned off, these coked out ninnies do little more than laugh giddily at the cloud photos on their monitors while trying to pick out which one looks like a cow or a horsey. Like the Great Oz, they hide their own flaccid uselessness behind machines, smoke and mirrors. And no one around here will look behind the green curtain and call them on it.
Yesterday, the emails predictably got more and more dire, from watches to warnings to alarms to “we’re not kidding, Jack!” Yet as I gaze out on the grounds of Blau Manor, I still see nothing more threatening than some light moisture on the lawn. Of course, the crack heads at the various EyeWitless news teams are all trying to cover their worthless asses. Each hour that passes, they’ve managed to move back the end of life by another hour. Their prophesies of the End Times constantly pushed into a receding future. These guys shouldn’t be in meteorology, they should be in the Jehovah’s Witnesses.
I suspect a partial source of all the lies is a simple competitiveness within the news industry:
“Sir, Channel 4 has just announced 3 feet of snow starting at 6:00AM”!
“Oh Yea? Well, TWO can play at that game, immediately send out a report that we’re predicting SIX feet of snow, starting at 5:00AM – PRONTO!”
“Right Chief!”
One can imagine where this type of thing leads after a day or two…
“Chief! Channel 7 just retaliated to our last broadcast of thirty feet of snow by reporting that the snow will wipe out ALL LIFE ON EARTH!”
“RIGHT! Well fuck that and fuck them. Listen kid, get out there and report that this storm will wipe out the very Sun, leaving nothing but a Black Hole of Chaos – Got That?”
“Yes, Sir, Chief!”
And there’s still not a speck of snow out my window….
posted by mendip at
11:19 AM
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