Wuss Nation

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/06/17/AR2007061701179.html

I hereby most sincerely apologize to any and all of you whom I have shaken or held hands with, hugged, kissed, high-fived, back slapped, or nudged. Only now, thanks to the Fairfax Ween Police, do I realize the great harm, damage, embarrassment, terror and trauma that such behavior inevitably leads to. Please, find it in your hearts to forgive me - from a distance of at least three feet. I hope we can all move beyond this horrendous situation and live productive lives in total isolation from each other, as the Vienna School System intended.