Lame Larry, Part II

Let me be the first to say that I’m not afraid to admit to being wrong occasionally. And this appears to be one of those instances. I felt pretty bad of what I’d written about Laurence Olivier in a previous post, (http://funwithmendip.blogspot.com/2007/07/lame-larry.html ). And I decided to do some additional research on the story. After many grueling events and painstaking searches, I was able to come up with heretofore unknown documents on Sir Lawrence, or Secret Agent X-1-3, as he was known then. Below is one of the results of these labors, a transcript of an actual phone call placed by Prime Minister Churchill to Olivier about his mission in America. This proves without a doubt about the seriousness of his job and its importance to the war effort. I stand, humbly, corrected:

Churchill calls Sir Lawrence, the phone rings next to Danny Kaye asleep in bed..
Danny Kaye: Hello?
Churchill: I need to speak to Secret Agent X-1-3 at once!
D: Who? What? It’s 3 o’clock in the morning!
C: This is an emergency, give me Secret Agent X-1-3!
D: Who??? There’s no one here by that name. You’ve got the wrong number, Pal.
C: (sigh) Let me talk to Laurence Olivier!
D: Oh! Why didn’t you say so? Just a minute, (away from the phone – “Hey Larry, wake up! It’s for you…”)
Laurence: (sleepily) Hello, who is this?
C: Secret Agent X-1-3, this is the Prime Minister, and we need you for a desperate mission.
L: (immediately jumping out of bed and coming to Attention, causing Danny Kaye to fall out onto the floor) MR. PRIME MINISTER, SIR! SECRET AGENT X-1-3 REPORTING FOR DUTY, SIR! AWAITING ORDERS, SIR!
C: At ease, X-1-3, I have important orders for you. The crisis facing our country is deepening. We need the Americans desperately, but are losing their support as we speak. David Niven and Errol Flynn have been unable to get Oscar nominations this year, and MI6 reports that Vivian Leigh’s contract might not be renewed. And to make matters worse, our sources tell us that Erich von Stroheim is considering making a comeback! (Larry gasps) I needn’t tell you the dark consequences of these events to our war effort.
L: (regaining his composure) Yes Sir. What are my orders, Sir?
C: We have a daring and dangerous plan, one that will put its subject in constant jeopardy, but it’s the only way.
L: I’m your Man, Sir. What can I do?
C: You must infiltrate Hollywood, and convince the inhabitants to join us in this fight! You dare not fail!
L: Hmmm, Well, I’m having lunch with Alan Hale tomorrow…Lou Abbott lives just up and across the street from me here, I can stroll by his place for a talk….And Joan Blondell and Rondo Hatton frequent this little deli down the hill from us!
C: That’s a start, but we need to think bigger, Agent X-1-3 – much bigger! We need tough allies for tough times. You have to get James Cagney and Edward G. Robinson. We’ve monitored all of their films and they have easy access to a large supply of automatic weapons and men who know how to use them. We’ve also noted that in his most recent film, Humphrey Bogart was hiding out in Casablanca from our enemies, the Nazis. With him there, we have hopes of opening a second front in North Africa and relieving the pressure on Monty at El Alamein. In addition, it appears that Claude Rains is now French – I’ve alerted De Gaulle to this fact and urged him to parachute Rains into Brittany to prepare the way for our Normandy Invasion.
L: Very good, Sir. I’ll get on it right away!
C: And, Agent X-1-3, there’s one more person…Someone so powerful, so valuable, that without him, all else will be for naught. You cannot fail here, Agent X-1-3.
L: And who is that, Sir?
C: We MUST….Get….Clark…Gable….
L: You can count on me, Sir! (Larry snaps to attention and salutes).
C: I knew I could, Agent X-1-3. And remember, I can offer nothing but blood, sweat, and free tickets to Mrs. Miniver. But we shall fight them in the aisle, at the ticket office, and at the concessions stand, we will fight them to the very last box of popcorn; but we shall NEVER surrender!
L: Here! Here!
C: And, Agent X-1-3..
L: Yes Sir?
C: Please apologize for me to Danny Kaye for waking him.
L: Yes Sir (he salutes again). Goodnight Sir!



And so, let this be a lesson to all of us, that even those who hung out at the Brown Derby during WWII, were performing valuable services for their country. Never let it be said that Sir Laurence shirked his duties. For, by talking to Clark Gable, he was able to single handedly get America in the war and defeat our enemies! We owe a great debt to this man, and to Danny Kaye...