I Am At One With The Universe

Just got back for a nice weekend in C'ville and fulfilled the hope of a lifetime* - I finally got to visit the legendary and ultra-mystical site - Foamhenge! So many times in the past I've been thwarted by bad weather or poor scheduling. But at long last, Linda and I were able to walk reverentially beneath it's majestic columns.

Our good friend Carol was very instrumental in helping us locate this sacred site. At first, I was afraid we would have to go the route of hiring native bearers and guides. That area of RoVa is a particularly primitive and savage land. We had already laid in stocks of steel fish hooks and hatchets to trade, (although most of the natives prefer to be paid in Confederate money).

The journey from Charlottesville took about 90 minutes. Linda drove, as I was too nervous from spiritual anticipation and enthusiasm. every mile travelled seemed to increase my sense of wonder and awe. Despite the perfect weather, I was sweating profusely, my mouth was dry, and my hands constantly shook, (we'd run out of Chardonnay about 10 hours earlier).

And finally, we arrived! At the top of a large hill overlooking the highway stood the very center of our Universe. We scurried up the incline and I basked in a sense of timeless wisdom and ancient knowledge. Styrofoam does that to me.

We wandered around the site for a half hour or so, although it seemed much longer. I reverently caressed the rough pillowy texture, delighting in the squeaking noise it made. It's almost as if they talk to you! Rumor has it that if you put your ear up against one of the columns you can hear the waves of the chemical vat from whence it came. Truly, a Holy place!

But, as I alternately swooned in rapture and meditated profoundly at the scene, I was also filled with questions. How did this magnificent structure come to be? Who built it? The natives of the area are incapable of such construction, having not evolved beyond the simple engineering of mobile homes and corrugated sheds. Some of the structures at Foamhenge weighed tens of pounds - from whence came the knowledge to lift such behemoths? I do not know the answer to this question, but suspect our ancient astronaut space brothers of having at least helped in the erection of this structure. As I gazed upward, I noticed that the "stones" corresponded to the contrails left by planes flying into and out of the Roanoke airport. Clearly, the structure had been built by beings possessing the ability of flight delays and lost luggage. They were centuries ahead of us, and it is only now that we're catching up.

But I suppose all good things must come to an end. I was very reluctant to leave. Everything here seemed so pure and good. The light just a little brighter, sounds just a little clearer, etc. But Linda and Carol were able to persuade me (finally!) by offering yet one more sakti-like journey. I am, of course, speaking of lunch at Crozet Pizza (the best pizza in the state). I went, but am a changed man. There'll always be a little styrofoam in my spirit...

And I want to add, that this is not the end. No, it is but a beginning in my long journey towards wisdom, knowledge, and spiritual perfection. I am already planning out next trip....

*Or at least the hope of the last week or two.